TEACHER: good job on the test Suzy, you're really smart

[memory]

*impersonates a cop*

what if there's a race of space-travelling aliens out there whose fav delicacy is brain noodles and one day they arrive and start slurping our noodles right out of our skulls through

🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅

ROOKIE SCIENTIST: wouldn't it be easier and cheaper to synthetically produce the ink in a lab then mass produce it in a factory?

NEWS: the dictator Robert Mugabe has been replaced

Tom Hanks:[holding a knife to my throat] say it

at the edge of the universe there's a ledge, and sitting on it is a dog wearing big heart-shaped sunglasses and the world's longest scarf trails far below him

did you get the drumsticks? Nice